How I Stopped Killing Plants
tl;dr: research and an app
My Plant History
When I was younger, my mom put a pothos in my room, because they were "practically impossible to kill." I killed it. Then she gave me a cactus, because "surely, even you can’t kill a cactus." I killed it.
When I was older, I tried getting another cactus. It died. My husband bought me two or three orchids. They all died. The only plant that survived was a pothos that my husband managed to revive from the verge of death every few months.
We like to joke that my mom prefers plants over people, and that she’d like her kids better if we were green. She has plants everywhere, an amazing yard, and can make anything grow. I have always killed anything green. This article is for my fellow plant killers.
I like plants. Who doesn’t? They’re green, pretty, and they clean the air. But I had pretty much resigned myself to either a plant-less existence, or a fake plant existence. Both of which were slightly depressing, but what can you do?
Let’s be honest, for things that seem to have no problem growing on their own outside, there’s a million ways to kill them. Underwatering, over-watering, too much light, not enough light, you get the idea.
My problem was that I looked at plants, thought how pretty they were, and it never occurred to me to water them. If it did, it was probably the wrong amount.
Currently, I have 28 houseplants, 24 of which are different kinds.
The last time I talked to my mom about my plants, I asked her if she’d ever thought this day would come. She said, “Frankly, no.”
I say all this so you know that I’m not kidding when I say that if I can take care of plants, anyone can.
Plant Care for Dummies
So, here’s how I did it. I researched the easiest houseplants to take care of, and I picked some based on availability, price, and aesthetics.
I was already the owner of a half-dead pothos, as well as a snake plant and a zz plant from my mom. To liven things up, I bought a diffenbachia ($4), a neanthe bella palm ($4), and some bamboo ($3). I didn’t want to invest a lot of money in something that would probably end up dead and in the trash, so I went with the smallest plants available.
My mom always told me that watering plants is easy; when the soil feels dry, water it. The only problem with that is that certain plants dry out a lot faster than others, so one might need water every 4 days, while the other needs water every 3 weeks. I am too lazy to check every plant’s soil every day, and I can’t tell by just looking at them (something naturally talented plant people can do, apparently).
Since I can’t keep track of all of this information in my head, I use an app (I love apps). You can use whatever tracking system you prefer, but I was already using Tody to keep track of cleaning tasks, and it’s worked great for keeping track of my plants (the app is free, but I upgraded to premium for $6 so I could add custom tasks).
Most plants come with information about how often to water them. For those that didn’t, I did a quick internet search to get the information I needed.
I’ve had to do some trial and error, as I discovered which plants needed water more or less frequently, especially as seasons change. But having an app keep track of everything for me makes my life so much easier. All I have to do is check it, and then go and check the plants that are listed for the day to see if they need water.
For the record, most plants can go an extra day or so without water. Some, however, are wildly melodramatic, like fittonia (also known as nerve plant). Originally, I was watering my fittonia every 6 days, but inevitably the 6th day would find him drooping pathetically:
And then I’d water him, and within a few hours he’d be back to normal:
So, I switched his watering schedule to every 5 days and named him Paul (after Paul Hollywood on the Great British Bakeoff; it seemed appropriate). Now he’s much happier, though I do sometimes miss the overly dramatic drooping.
Not only do I have plants everywhere now, I’ve even rescued and revived plants, from both the side of the road and the clearance aisle. I’ve also gotten into plant propagation, which has helped revive our old pothos back to its original fullness.
Takeaway
If you’re a plant killer, there’s hope.
Start small, with something easy (like a pothos or a philodendron).
Use an app or other tracking system to keep track of watering (I also keep notes on when a plant has been repotted).
Be aware that plants are addictive. I can’t stop buying and propagating plants, and I bought shelves just to have more surfaces to put plants on. And the other day I thought how much quieter plants are then children, and realized I’ve turned into my mother. But I’m okay with that.
